May 18, 2008

...and life goes on much as it always does...
The last week all but slipped by. I think one of the Devil´s greatest tricks is to keep us so busy with life that we forget God. Of course we can only be occupied for so long before our soul innevitably begins to hunger and thirst for something meaningful. I´ve had a great time here in Peru but the only way that it has even come close to working is because I´ve been seeking God more than I knew I could. I had prayed to be able to read his word like I would a Fantasy novel and to rest in his presence like I would a lovers and it´s happened, it´s been incredible. It is going to be hard to explain this trip to people when I come home. Yes there was a construction project, yes there were the conferences, and yes everyday I am doing something but in the flesh I think I would have been on a flight home a month after I got here. But there is no substance in friends, food, entertainment, or in work that can keep me going like the presence of God.

I´ve doubted, re-doubted, grumbled, and fumed, but over all just kept climbing the mountain. If you could chart my spiritual altitude I think the last two months would be a pretty constant upward slope. Then came this week. I had wonderful days Monday and Tuesday but then the graph would come to a flatline or probably more likely a decline. I didn´t want to read the word, couldn´t quiet myself and seek his presence, and my flesh was rebelling in such a way that I plain didn´t want any more of this Godstuff. I had a fun week, explored the city, read a really good book, watched a movie, and even spent a day playing soccer, but everynight was torn asunder. I was so hungry for God but I sooo didn´t want to eat. God reminded me of many verses that shed light as to what was happening and everytime I read my Bible I could see a little more clearly what was going on. I was rebelling.

I start to condemn myself but then God´s love washs over me again.

I´m going to spend a couple days this week just me and God. I am so excited for the rest of my time here in Peru and I really can´t wait to see how God grows me through the last 5 days of drought. Please pray for deeper intimacy! Don´t be to concerned for me because God is good and as far as the world goes I really didn´t have that bad of a week. Spiritually it was ruff but there were even times of light in those dark places and now I´m able to write from a place peace and hunger, not of hurt and confusion.

Those of you who know me, know that I tend to forget the bad things and dwell on the good times. I don´t think that is always a good thing but now God is showing me how to marvel at his goodness in those times where I was hurt, angry, and confused. And so by my very nature of forgetting crappiness and much much more importantly by the work that God is doing in me I can praise God in and for this storm.

I´m diving into the book of James and going to finish the Gospel of Luke this week and am ever seeking to die to myself that Christ may live in me. Thanks for your prayers, I know they´ve helped drag me through the tougher times, and don´t let up now :)